THE LOVE GURU REVIEW

Two letters: P and U. Oof. Not a good date movie. Because it makes you hate love. And Mike Myers. And India. And Canada, just for good measure.

Look, I’m not going to lie to you. I heard it was bad. But, it’s Mike Myers, right? I mean, how bad can he be? He’s Shrek, for God’s sake! Plus, when a cute young guy is willing to fork over twelve bucks for tickets, plus another fifteen for popcorn and soda, I frankly don’t care what the movie is. I’m in. This film has taught me to be a bit more discriminating.

Mike Myers plays Guru Pitka, a meanish meditator out to topple Deepak Chopra. He gets recruited to help the star player of the Toronto Maple Leafs. You know, tale as old as time. American in India becomes guru, guru has to help Toronto Maple Leaf get the girl, Guru gets his own girl. You’ve seen it a million times.

Well, maybe you haven’t seen it all before plot-wise, but what you have seen before is a lot of the gags. We get it Mike, you like pee and poo and farts. Got it. Verne Troyer is short: check. Nice pillow-mobile backing up gag, kind of reminiscent of the tight-turn golf cart gag in Austin Powers. It was a little annoying to watch a bad movie and get reminded of a previous good movie. I became nostalgic for Mike Myers as I was watching Mike Myers.

Best thing about this movie: Justin Timberlake’s abs. Holy cow, that boy is not afraid of sit-ups. Second best thing: popcorn buffet. This is one of the myriad advantages of hanging out with twenty-something guys: their endless creativity with snacks. Our movie theater blessed us with five kinds of popcorn salt and buttery oil—all self serve! So, this young thing gets the large (and large sodas for us both, a gentleman he is) popcorn, dumps some of it in a convenience box (that box you get when you have a lot of snacks to carry), then he flavors that one with white cheddar and garlic parmesan. He prepares another box of Ranch, and a third is caramel – for dessert. Young guys rule!

Other than that, the movie was kind of hard to sit through. But is it a good date movie? Maybe I was a little harsh on it. I mean, one of the purposes of dating is to discover similarities, right? So, if you both hate this movie, and odds are you will, you’ve found a new point of unity. You might use your disdain for this film to grow closer. Also, hardly anyone saw this movie. You and your partner can feel special. Plus, you’re assaulted visually for an hour and a half, and that might make one more inclined to close their eyes later for some making out. See? It’s not that bad.

—Laura House